Honestly, simple procedures can still make my heart race. Not in the good adrenaline way. The one way to counter and manage it is to tell yourself that these surgeons are capable and that everything will be alright. Excessive worrying and anxiety isn’t going to help anyone, may in fact make things worse. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
So Little H undergoes a procedure right now where the surgeons will see if he’s ok enough to not be on the ECMO machine. We don’t want him to grow dependent on it because then he won’t ever recover fully and won’t get to come home. If he is ok without it then alhamdulillah, the next step is for his left lung to recover and gain the momentum to inflate and function. If not, it’s ok, they’ll be changing the circuit and so instead of a VA it’ll be a VD (what? I’m not a surgeon and I cannot remember in detail what he said VA and VD are and I’ll Google it later). But in simpler terms, Little H’s heart is ok so far. They’ll put the lines in his neck and temporarily close up his chest so as to prevent any infection.
Thats the plan but anything can happen and change depending on the situation and on what the team decides beat for our little Warrior. In the meantime I’m going to wait very patiently and quietly in the Rmh until they tell me it’s over because there’s a difference between waiting and seeing your son’s room turn into a makeshift operating theater with strange worrying and alarming beeps and sounds as compared to waiting in a room where no one can see your tears fall.
Fight on, fight strong my love.
I’ll be waiting right here.